February Heartbreak

Around this time in February of 2019, my Dad was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. He spent his last Valentine’s Day in the hospital with my Mom. He passed away less than a month later. 106 days later on June 24th, my Mom went to be with him.

I will always remember the moment my Mom spoke the words, “stage IV.” What the hell happened to stages 1–3??m How was this missed?? I was furious, angry, heartbroken. I stepped out of work into the corridor, I began to bawl. At the time, I was working not too far from home. It was a 2 hour and 20 minute drive. I decided to drive home in the morning. I was too distraught. Driving back to my apartment was a bit much at the time. After deciding that with my parents and *gathering myself* I decided it was best to update my boss that I needed to go home. Boss seemed sympathetic but reluctant to agree to an early weekend. I was thankful but worried that in the event this needs to happen again, there will be more pushback ( There was another scenario in the year where I needed an extra day to the weekend and some additional days after getting all my wisdom teeth removed and there was pushback).

The next morning, I raced home in record pace getting home in under 2 hours. I barely put the car in park and shut it before I jumped out and ran to the door. I ran through the kitchen and down the short hall to the tv room. I jumped on my Daddy’s lap and burst into hysterical tears. He just held me. He knew how devastating the news was, that is why my Mommy told me. I also think he knew he wasn’t feeling well and that he could only be treated at this point and not cured. He told me not to worry about him, that he was going to be alright. The genuineness in his voice consoled me a bit. He was still able to be brave at this time in February. It wouldn’t be until later this month that his physical condition started to deteriorate and was in a lot more discomfort and pain.